Monthly Archives: December 2011

The Land of Sunshine Inappropriate Xmas Song Festive Countdown! Xmas Eve!!!!!!

Kenny McCormick & Mr. Hankey – ‘The Most Offensive Song Ever’

So here it is, the least appropriate Xmas song of all time, and possibly the most heretical. If you’re of a Christian disposition (there are pills for that) then best move away now. For the rest of you have a very merry Xmas and enjoy.

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The Land of Sunshine Inappropriate Xmas Song Festive Countdown! T-minus 3 days

Wall of Voodoo – ‘Shouldn’t Have Given Him A Gun for Xmas’

This outtake from Wall of Voodoo’s ‘Happy Planet’ album is a cautionary tale that teaches us that sometimes book tokens are a better idea.

The Land of Sunshine Inappropriate Xmas Song Festive Countdown! T-minus 4 days

The Dicamillo Sisters – ‘But Why’s It So Cold?’

The Dicamillo Sisters are Brendan Dicamillo, Bam Magera and various other members of their CKY crew. They’re better know for beating the snot out of each other and riding shopping trollies into walls on CKY and Jackass but during their recovery time they also make really dumb songs.

Brandon busts out some of the worst rapping since John Barnes while Bam just repeats the title in a ‘comedy’ retarded voice. It’s not often that Bloodhound Gang’s Jimmy Pop comes out looking like the serious one.

The Land of Sunshine Inappropriate Xmas Song Festive Countdown! T-minus 5 days

D.A.D – ‘Sad Sad Christmas’

OK I know that yesterday I promised you something more lighthearted and I know that a song called ‘Sad Sad Christmas’ which is a duet by a father and son who’s mother / wife has left them doesn’t sound like a barrel of laughs but bear with me…

D.A.D (formerly Disneyland After Dark) are a Danish band who have a rich vein of humour running through their songs. Sure the kids voice is pretty annoying but it’s fun hearing a Danish person trying to do an American white trash voice plus throw in some rhyming couplets like ‘Daddy, what a lord? He made mother take the Ford ‘ and suddenly it’s not all as gloomy as you thought.

The Land of Sunshine Inappropriate Xmas Song Festive Countdown! T-minus 6 days

Gruff Rhys – ‘Slashed Wrists This Christmas’

New one this! Super Furry Animal Gruff Rhys yesterday released his Atheist Xmas EP which contains this little Motown ditty.

The other two songs on the EP are lighter affairs even if they are called ‘Post Apocalypse Christmas’ and ‘At the End of the Line’ but the former isn’t nearly as good as this and the latter isn’t on Youtube.

I’ll try to find a cheerier one for tomorrow I promise.

The Land of Sunshine Inappropriate Xmas Song Festive Countdown! T-minus 7 days

Type O Negative – ‘Red Water (Christmas Mourning)’

As it’s a freezing cold Monday morning here in the UK I thought I’d give you a shot in the arm with what is possibly the most depressing Christmas song ever written. You’re welcome!

From their bleakly beautiful 1996 masterpiece October Rust comes this tale of a Christmas ruined by the fact that people keep dying.

“My tables been set for but seven, Just last year I dined with eleven” sings chief miserablist Pete Steele. That Xmas when you got a Wii instead of an X-Box doesn’t seem so bad now does it?

The Land of Sunshine Inappropriate Xmas Song Festive Countdown! T-minus 8 days

Everclear – ‘Hating You For Christmas’

Much like E from Eels, Everclear’s frontman Art Alexakis doesn’t tend to sing about the more joyful side of life. Songs like ‘Heroin Girl’ and ‘Why I Don’t Believe in God’ echo his pretty dark upbringing and dalliances with drugs. So it comes as little surprise that even Xmas can’t make him feel a little more chipper.

This the bonus track to their 1997 album ‘So Much For the Afterglow’ begins with the morbid ‘I don’t want to hear about your new boyfriend, I don’t want to hear about it all working out for you’ and end with the damn right suicidal ‘I wish that I could have a drink and make you go away’. 

Don’t expect carolers to be singing it on your doorstep any time soon.

The Land of Sunshine Inappropriate Xmas Song Festive Countdown! T-minus 9 days

Sum 41 and Tenacious D – ‘Things I Want’

Here’s a personal favourite of mine. For American radio station KROQ’s Christmas compilation Swallow My Eggnog the boys from Sum 41 got together with Tenacious D to write their own personal list to Santa, my favourite being ‘a Motley Crue lunchbox full of sticky buns’.

It’s unashamedly metal and really rather fantastic, enjoy!

The Land of Sunshine Inappropriate Xmas Song Festive Countdown! T-minus 10 days

Blink 182 – ‘Happy Holidays You Bastard’

It’s 43 seconds long and only the first verse is about Christmas but Blink 182 (pronounced ‘one eighty two’ if you were ever wondering) definitely deserve to be included on this list for the wonderful opening line “It’s Christmas Eve and I’ve only wrapped two fucking presents”. I think that’s something we can all relate to.

Sure the second verse is about Labor Day and the chorus mentions ejaculating into a sock but I’ll let them off, it is Christmas after all.

The Land of Sunshine Inappropriate Xmas Song Festive Countdown! T-minus 11 days

Spinal Tap – ‘Christmas with the Devil’

Xmas can get a little Jesus heavy at times (yes the abbreviation was deliberate), I know it’s his birthday but it is supposed to be the season of goodwill to ALL men. Good old Spinal Tap redress the balance with this tribute to the dark lord himself.

Actually I think I’m with the Christians on this one, hell doesn’t sound very festive at all!